We had always hoped that Doki Doki Majo Shinpan's
gameplay would be so much fun
that even people who were thoroughly grossed out by the content would begrudgingly buy, play, and love it. We wanted it to become the new Tetris
: so good that even non-gamers would pick up systems for it. This is mainly because the idea makes us laugh. A lot.
Our dream of a Shinpan
in every home, however, is not to be. Chris Kohler didn't review the game, but only because that would require him to play it a second time. What was once presumed to be shockingly controversial
now sounds painfully boring, with the one part that anyone cares about
comprising only a minuscule portion of the playtime. Kohler estimated about an hour and a half of text adventuring (which we like, if the storyline's worth it, which we're pretty sure this one isn't
) to one quick round of "battle mode" and a brief witch-touching round. Or, as he said, "It was basically two hours of my life wasted on boredom, followed by ten minutes of yep-this-is-as-silly-as-I-imagined."
That leaves us in the uncomfortable position of dismissing a game for not enough
inappropriate content. If we're going to play the witch-touching game, then we expect a significant amount of witch-touching.