Naughtiness on the Nintendo DS
The Nintendo DS's software library is diverse enough to satisfy almost every genre craving or niche interest. If what you're looking for, however, is a game with more mature themes -- nudity and sexual content -- it's doubtful that your needs will be met. Japanese dating sims and witch fondling titles notwithstanding, the DS doesn't have any Leisure Suit Larrys, Hot Coffee mods, or even porno-Tetris clones.
But just like any other scene, the Nintendo DS has a network of people working outside of the fringe to create those illicit goods you'd never ask for at a respectable shop. They hustle their homemade software from the back-alleys of the internet, each downloaded bit transferred in a nondescript paper bag.
We're going to take you through that DS underworld, previewing a selection of homebrew games that are sure to arouse your interest. So put the kids to bed, light those candles you've been saving for a night like this, and slip into your robe and wizard hat. This feature is for adult eyes only!
1. Teenage Queen NDS (Foxy)
You got to know when to hold em
A chance meeting at the park with an attractive brunette introduces this unofficial Amiga port. As women in heat tend to do, she challenges you to a 32-card game of strip poker (no cards lower than 7). It's an experience you're all too familiar with, we're sure. Win a few hands, and the libertine lady will take a credit, peeling off a piece of her outfit as collateral.
But Teenage Queen NDS isn't so much a quick fix for flesh as it is a drawn-out campaign. With fourteen states of undress, it can take hours before you wear your opponent down enough into revealing even a naked shoulder. Couple this with her penchant to fold faster than a dropped accordion whenever you have a decent hand, and you might feel tempted to just cash in your chips, settling for a no-fuss game of solitaire instead.
2. Strip Rock Paper Scissors (XParano)
Easy and mindless thrills
If Teenage Queen NDS could be compared to a high-end gentleman's club, then Strip Rock Paper Scissors would be the five-dollar-cover nudie bar frequented by ne'er-do-wells like Al Bundy or your old high school classmates. Bass-heavy beats fill the dimly-lit room while men past their prime throw dollar bills at dancers. Outside, a neon sign that reads "Shakey Puddin" blinks on and off, casting its scandalous red hue over the establishment in one-second intervals.
SRPS makes no attempts to disguise its motives or hinder players with any sort of complexity. The rock-paper-scissors mechanics are simply means to a topless end, each random victory advancing the strip slide show. "Winning" the game ends up feeling shallow, and watching the coed bare her breasts turns out to be as enjoyable and erotic as clicking a thumbnailed JPG on an adult image gallery online.
3. Virus DS (Kukulcan)
An outbreak of naked anime girls
Virus DS comes off as the most creative release in this homebrew lot, offering up an original puzzle with forty different levels to last you all night long. The stages are cleared by injecting and exploding virus particles with a limited amount of vaccination shots. Setting off a chain that bursts everything on-screen is about as orgasmic as video games get.
The nurse-themed images littered throughout the title have little relation to your doctorly duties, but hentai junkies with medical bondage fetishes will appreciate the eye candy. Maybe if the hospital staff wasn't so preoccupied with tying up and molesting its patients, they'd have less accidents that unleashed deadly viruses into the wild.
4. TickleGirl (Cybereality)
Laughter is the best foreplay
This "multimedia experience" turns your DS on its side, inviting you to paw at a scantily-clad model with your stylus. Caress her enough, and an animation appropriate to the area you were petting will play. While the game never turns into anything pornographic, there's something sensual about how the woman reacts to your attention. Rubbing every inch of exposed skin as quickly as possible won't get you very far; she prefers slow, deliberate strokes. As long as we're trying to approach her realistically, brushing your teeth, trimming your fingernails, and queuing up Silk's "Freak Me" might also help set the mood.
5. Ya Ya XX (N64Francois)
Touching is NOT good
Based on a Whack-a-Mole-esque flash game, Ya Ya XX throws you into the role of an overweight, cross-eyed miscreant ravishing a room full of sleeping redheads. The repugnant Romeo, misogynistic premise, and expressionless faces on the girls had us wondering if we were playing a humorously crude game or watching the first five minutes of a Law & Order: Special Victims Unit episode. The chorus audio loop of Gina G's "Just a Little Bit" only serves to make the scene more unsettling.
We're happy to know that there are any sexually-charged homebrew games for the DS at all, but we'd love to see more variety from the community in terms of genres and subject matter. Strip poker titles (e.g. Teenage Queen NDS, Vicepoker DS, and StripPoker GBA) and simple flash ports dominate the scene. Meanwhile, original releases like Virus DS are few and far between.
Content-wise, most of what we've played so far has taken a softcore approach. As taboo as the titles we've talked about might seem, none of them contain anything that you couldn't see in an R-rated movie. Adult games aren't meant to be tame! On that note, they aren't meant to be so vanilla either! How many of these projects specifically target women or a lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender audience? If there are any, we certainly haven't been able to find them!
If you want to see mature titles that push the boundaries, or even if you just want to encourage the production of more games like the ones we've previewed in this article, you have to support homebrew developers. Download their releases, post feedback, Paypal them some lunch money -- do what you can to let them know their efforts are appreciated. If it weren't for these programmers, we'd have to depend solely on commercial studios to provide us with this kind of adult content. Were that the case, it would've been several more years before the industry put out enough games for us to list and rant about. That's an awful long time to wait around, unsatisfied.