Activision's Spanish For Everyone may not be as inclusive as the title may make it sound. There are a lot of people, in fact, who may fall outside the category of "everyone" that this game purports to be for. Allow us to describe the introduction of the game: Miguel asks to play with his friend Shawn's (brother's) DS for a minute, just as Miguel's father pulls up in a limousine and informs him that it's time to go. The car pulls out before Miguel can return the DS, headed straight to Mexico and trailed by two police cars. Shawn's aunt, a taxi driver, pulls up and offers to drop him off in Tijuana, and to help him learn Spanish along the way. She tells him "They don't call me Gina Vasquez for nothing! I can teach you many things, and Spanish is definitely one of them!"
If that offends you, the game's not for you. If the fact that this sequence was depicted in CD-I Zelda-level art bothers you, the game's not for you. If you don't trust a language training game whose English text is rife with errors, you are just not a member of the "Everyone" that Activision is after. You should be proud.
Activision should be proud too. They've created a series of ridiculous videos that's bound for Internet memedom. The story continues after the break (Spanish For Everyone spoilers ahead)!
Once across the border, Gina instructs Shawn to get in the back of a truck that she thinks looks similar to a truck she remembers Shawn's grandfather owning. The truck bed also contains a bull. Luckily for Shawn, the bull identifies Shawn as a hero of prophecy, and decides to teach him Spanish rather than goring him. At this point it is pretty clear that Shawn will never see his DS or his home again. He may end up learning Spanish, so the ends justify the means.
With his bull friend about to go bravely to his death, Shawn decides to hitch a ride with ... some shady-looking guy!
[Via NeoGAF]
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
11-07-2007 @ 10:07AM
JodyAnthony said...
I don't know about anyone else, but I am buying this game.
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11-07-2007 @ 10:36AM
Craig said...
Well apparently Shawn knows his uncle (Tio) Juan. Man, he sure seems to run into his VERY extended family at the most opportune/random times.
Oh well - Jeeps are cool!
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11-07-2007 @ 12:34PM
AlgusUnderdunk said...
...I want this game...
I can't wait to see how much Spanish you learn in the chapter where Shawn is used as a coke mule.
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11-07-2007 @ 2:06PM
JM said...
Yeah, that sounds pretty awesome. I am pretty fluent in Spanish, so I wasn't going to pick this one up, but maybe I'll give it a try.
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11-07-2007 @ 2:07PM
Brello said...
That was painful to watch.
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11-07-2007 @ 4:57PM
Ethan said...
Fucking thieving gringos (waves fist).
Anyway, maybe this will be a beautiful fruition of the road trip game. I've envisioned some sort of Hotel Dusk sequel thus.
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11-07-2007 @ 4:59PM
Ethan said...
Oh crap, other way around. Thieving... Hispanics?
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11-07-2007 @ 8:26PM
DSgirl said...
Awww the videos don't work :(
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11-07-2007 @ 8:46PM
DSgirl said...
Well now it looks like they're working? Ok then heh
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11-07-2007 @ 9:59PM
L said...
Anyone get the vibe that Gina Vasquez is going to molest that little boy?
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11-07-2007 @ 10:19PM
Anth said...
@L:
Yes, I think she wants to "teach" him a few things. None of which are appropriate to post here.
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11-07-2007 @ 10:44PM
Nacho said...
Er... I guess as a latin american, I should be VERY offended by this game, but it's just too funny... did you know that "La Zorra" means, roughly, "the bitch" in mexican slang? It's just too outlandish... "He's the only man around here that can afford a limousine"? Just - awesome.
Next time I'm at the nintendo-tienda, I'm gonna steal this game, ese... don't you know I'm loco?
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11-07-2007 @ 11:00PM
Will said...
La Zorra=Lady with 'loose' values i.e. street walker.
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11-07-2007 @ 11:23PM
PantherAttack said...
This game looks awesome.
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11-08-2007 @ 12:02AM
Andy in TX said...
Gina Vasquez=Vagina Squez. I can't believe this is for real. Seriously. But I love it. Hopefully it comes out for MAME eventually.
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11-08-2007 @ 1:13AM
icupnimpn2 said...
The cutscenes have a strange magnetic pull. However, the actual "game" is the weakest piece of crap I have ever played. Hangman. Wordsearch. Memory. Do those sound like rockin' fun to you? Are you a second grader?
Avoid this game. It is useless even for teaching a language. Sure it may feature 6000 words, but not multiple versions of words or any sort of grammatical context. If you solve spanish hangman, they'll tell you what the word means in english. If you don't solve it, you don't even get to know wtf you were guessing letters for.
Totally useless.
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11-08-2007 @ 2:01AM
Psychotic Ape said...
I learnt a lot of things from this game:
-Gina is a prostitute come taxi driver.
-The stranger is a boy mincing pervert, and jeeps are cool so children should do anything someone standing next to a jeep tells them to do.
-the talking bull speaks of a red devil, who we can only assume is either the truck or the mattador?
-Mexicans run from the cops and drive limos, and lastly..
-Miguel is a f**king thief!
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11-08-2007 @ 10:31PM
phil said...
Jeeps are cool!
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11-08-2007 @ 10:31PM
KaBob799 said...
Jeeps are cool!
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11-08-2007 @ 10:32PM
KaBob799 said...
Woah thats weird
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