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'They don't call me Gina Vasquez for nothing!'


Activision's Spanish For Everyone may not be as inclusive as the title may make it sound. There are a lot of people, in fact, who may fall outside the category of "everyone" that this game purports to be for. Allow us to describe the introduction of the game: Miguel asks to play with his friend Shawn's (brother's) DS for a minute, just as Miguel's father pulls up in a limousine and informs him that it's time to go. The car pulls out before Miguel can return the DS, headed straight to Mexico and trailed by two police cars. Shawn's aunt, a taxi driver, pulls up and offers to drop him off in Tijuana, and to help him learn Spanish along the way. She tells him "They don't call me Gina Vasquez for nothing! I can teach you many things, and Spanish is definitely one of them!"

If that offends you, the game's not for you. If the fact that this sequence was depicted in CD-I Zelda-level art bothers you, the game's not for you. If you don't trust a language training game whose English text is rife with errors, you are just not a member of the "Everyone" that Activision is after. You should be proud.

Activision should be proud too. They've created a series of ridiculous videos that's bound for Internet memedom. The story continues after the break (Spanish For Everyone spoilers ahead)!


Once across the border, Gina instructs Shawn to get in the back of a truck that she thinks looks similar to a truck she remembers Shawn's grandfather owning. The truck bed also contains a bull. Luckily for Shawn, the bull identifies Shawn as a hero of prophecy, and decides to teach him Spanish rather than goring him. At this point it is pretty clear that Shawn will never see his DS or his home again. He may end up learning Spanish, so the ends justify the means.

With his bull friend about to go bravely to his death, Shawn decides to hitch a ride with ... some shady-looking guy!

[Via NeoGAF]

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