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Posts with tag alf

2008's Biggest Blips: Final Fantasy Tactics A2



Developer: Square Enix
Publisher: Square Enix
Release: TBA

What separates Final Fantasy Tactics Advance from most other handheld SRPGS? Its level of polish. As with the original Final Fantasy Tactics game for the PlayStation, Square Enix put its talents and resources behind FFTA's soundtrack, character designs, and solid mechanics. Even today, five years later, the GBA title's presentation outclasses releases like Hoshigami Remix and Luminous Arc.

Final Fantasy Tactics A2: Grimoire of the Rift continues that high-budget, high-quality tradition. While Square Enix hasn't yet announced a US release date, and we're disappointed about the the game's lack of both online and offline multiplayer features, we're excited about all the sequel's additions -- 400 missions, Revenant Wings-esque item synthesis, a reworked law system, bigger enemies, an expanded map with distributed "area maps," and a ton of new job classes.

FFTA2 now boasts over 45+ different professions, ranging from Chocobo Knights (Chocobo-riding Moogles) to Bastards (a surly lot). Just as interesting as the vocations included are the ones that were cut from the final release due to time constraints or continuity issues. We came across their design documents while sifting through Square Enix's dumpster for discarded figurines, and we've posted the never-seen-before job classes right here for you!

Chimney Sweep

Action Ability
  • sweeps your chimney
  • walks around covered in soot
Combo Ability
  • after years of choking on grit and dust, dies an early death due to cancer caused by inhaling carcinogenic chemicals in the soot

Real World Roommate


Action Ability
  • accuses you of disrespectin' her
Reaction Ability
  • refuses to accept any apologies or assurances that you had no intention of disrespectin' her
Support Ability
  • tells everyone in the house that you're disrespectin' her

Damn Cargo Shorts-Wearin' Kids

Action Ability
  • wears those damn cargo shorts every day
  • has too many pockets for their own good
Support Ability
  • perpetuates the misbelief that wearing camo anything is acceptable fashion (e.g. camo cargo shorts)

Gangsta Rapper, Circa Early-to-Mid 90s

Action Ability
  • checks himself before he wrecks himself ('cause shotgun bullets are bad for his health)
  • is the capital S oh yes so fresh N double O P -- D O double G Y D O double G, ya see
Reaction Ability
  • calls his crew while you call your crew so you can rendezvous at the bar around two
Combo Ability
  • is better than your favorite rapper

Overbearing Asian Mother


Action Ability
  • belittles any and every measure you take to establish yourself as an individual
Reaction Ability
  • repeatedly insists that you should've become a doctor or a lawyer, like your successful cousins, instead of studying "computer"
Support Ability
  • leaves you with crippling feelings of inadequacy and social ineptitude

Cute Friend Whom You Have a Crush On

Action Ability
  • hair smells of strawberries, sunshine, and summer possibilities
  • is a kindred spirit; totally on the same wavelength as you
Reaction Ability
  • looks at you pityingly when you ask her out
  • just wants to be friends
  • isn't ready to date anyone right now
Combo Ability
  • sleeps with four other dudes -- simultaneously! -- the following week

ALF

Action Ability
  • is back in pog form



Apollo Justice
Back Next, on BSI: Troi

Ten down: NYT Crosswords

For about what seems like the fiftieth time this year, Amazon has New York Times Crosswords up for sale as its deal of the day, this time for $9.99. It's a decent portable puzzler, and, though we've featured bargains for the game several times already, after seeing its casual ALF plug, we promised ourselves that we would do whatever we could to support NYT Crosswords. So , here we are, supporting it ... with an internet link.

Don't forget that this half-price markdown ends today! Also, if you add another $15 worth of stuff to your order (e.g. ALF Season 1 DVD), Amazon will ship everything for free. Now, peek past the break for ALF's recent interview on The O'Reilly Factor. No, we don't have any idea why he appeared on the show, either.

Continue reading Ten down: NYT Crosswords

'Remember ALF? He's back! In crosswords form.'

This late-night post marks the fourth time we've referenced Milhouse's ALF quote from "Bart Sells His Soul," the Simpsons episode in which Bart trades in his soul for five bucks. Out of all the ALF pog allusions, however, we can confidently hold up this one as the best. How is that, you ask? Two reasons:
  1. Check out this screenshot that Gray Whitten took from a New York Times Crosswords puzzle on his DS! Any game that makes an effort to mention furry, large-nosed Melmacians sounds like an obviously fantastic game to us!
  2. We've finally obtained a video clip of that classic scene from when Bart confronted Milhouse about getting his soul back. We've embedded it right after the five-letter word for interruption.

Continue reading 'Remember ALF? He's back! In crosswords form.'

Happy Birthday, Nintendo DS!



It's Alf! Remember Alf? He's back ... in birthday form.

With our one-year anniversary event for the Wii in full swing and Thanksgiving only hours away, we nearly forgot that today marks the third year since the Nintendo DS made its debut in North America. Can you believe it's been three years already? Three years since we first brought the GBA's successor home! Three years since Vicarious Visions tricked us into buying Spider-Man 2!

In its three years on the market, our dual-screened handheld has gone through one hardware revision, dozens of color variations and limited edition bundles (some of which were actually accidentally released in the US), and about twenty million Mega Man games. The system's software library has managed to cover just about every conceivable genre, even creating a few new ones to expand its money-printing capabilities.

We plan to celebrate the portable's birthday by drawing misshapen cakes and genitalia in PictoChat, just like we did during our first few hours of DS ownership. How about you?

[Thanks, Llamapalooza!]

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