iPhone Photo Gallery at Engadget | Add to My AOL, MyYahoo, Google, Bloglines
Add to: My AOL, MyYahoo, Google, Bloglines
Joystiq presents

Japanese Hardware Sales: 1 Jan - 7 Jan: Movie script edition

Do it!FADE IN:

INT. POLICE STATION

Dimly lit, with a cold, dripping sound in the background. Only a table and a single chair adorn the room. Smoke wafts from a cigarette found in the mouth of a young black detective, expressionless. Off near the door is another detective, even younger. He is twin-screened. He looks slightly nervous.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

PSP
All right, you know the drill. Bring him in, Lite.

LITE
Can you just go easy on him this time, sir?

PSP
Just do your job, rookie. I'll take care of the rest.

Lite opens the door, and a young female officer leads in a badly underused digital media player. She unlocks his handcuffs and roughly forces him down into the chair. She nods to PSP, and walks out. Silence fills the air for a few seconds.

ZUNE
(mumbling)
I'm not gonna talk ...

PSP
You're gonna talk, son. There are no cameras in here, no witnesses. We can play all day.

LITE
There's no reason to hold out, Zune. We know about your plans, about Halo Zero, about everything. Just talk, and we can get you out of this.

PSP
Look at me. Look, you sunnuva bitch! You know what this is? It's an analog stick, asshole. You think you could compete with this?! You sick motherf--

LITE
PSP, stop.

ZUNE
It ... it was all right for awhile. I mean, you guys had your killer apps, and the iPod couldn't really play games ... I mean, Tycho bought me, you know? It felt good. And then that iPhone, and I just looked at myself, I ... oh, God ...

LITE
It's all right. We can get Allard on the phone--

ZUNE
(freaking the hell out)
Don't say phone! Don't say it! Cingular sucks! If you say it again ...!

PSP
(leaning down, whispering into Zune's ear)
Phone.

Zune screams in agony, and suddenly pounces on the nearby Lite, tearing and scratching at his touchscreen. A single shot rings out, and Zune falls to the ground, lifeless.

PSP
Had it coming. He had it coming, dammit. Punk kid.

Lite shakes his screen in disbelief.

LITE
We're done, PSP. I can't do this anymore. Your propietary media, that god-awful rap, and now this ...

PSP
I knew you never had what it took.

Lite walks toward to the door, silent, and opens it slowly. He turns back to PSP for a moment, and tosses a document on the desk. It's the weekly sales charts for Japan.

LITE
I always had what it took. You just couldn't see it.

FADE OUT.
- DS Lite: 344,878 168,659 (95.71%)
- Wii: 195,331 98,999 (102.77%)
- PSP: 118,186 49,511 (72.09%)
- PS3: 69,944 1,733 (2.42%)
- PS2: 52,037 13,868 (26.65%)
- Xbox 360: 18,235 1,326 (7.84%)
- Game Boy Micro: 3,311 1,229 (59.03%)
- GBA SP: 2,364621 (35.63%)
- Gamecube: 1,258 411 (32.67%)
- DS Phat: 75 27 (26.47%)
- GBA: 57 6 (11.76%)

[Source: Media Create]

Recent Posts

Reader Comments

(Page 1)

1. like it

Posted at 9:15PM on Jan 12th 2007 by jimbob

2. wow. these hardware sales posts were really bad for awhile, but this one was pretty damn amazing.

Posted at 9:57PM on Jan 12th 2007 by tonedef

3. Wait, isn't the DS just as proprietary as the PSP is? If not more?

Posted at 10:30PM on Jan 12th 2007 by Silver R. Wolfe

4. Silver R. Wolfe (#3): No, not for what it is. As the PSP is something that bills itself as a multimedia multifunction device, it is prohibitively proprietary. The DS (just a game machine), is not as bad as the PSP in this respect.

Posted at 11:40PM on Jan 12th 2007 by Josh

5. .......sooooort of. Although you could say that since it is POSSIBLE to get your own content onto a PSP without specialized hardware, and it isn't for the DS, that the DS has the bigger issue with proprietary media.

Just playing devil's advocate.

Posted at 11:48PM on Jan 12th 2007 by 20XX

6. The Fanboy charts are pretty much as good as the Joystiq charts.

Been taking blogging lessons from Kietzmann, eh Wishnov? If so, they're really paying off!

Posted at 12:20AM on Jan 13th 2007 by BPMΩ

7. I'd say you guys' charts beat Joystiq this time

Posted at 12:38AM on Jan 13th 2007 by raycosm

8. OK, so the DS gaming blog had to find a way to work in some Zune bashing so it could be like the the cool kids. Congratulations.

Posted at 1:15AM on Jan 13th 2007 by John

9. I make no apologies.

Posted at 2:25AM on Jan 13th 2007 by Jason Wishnov

10. Ahaha! Props for that one. Nice.

Posted at 3:13AM on Jan 13th 2007 by Nmaster

11. We saw already it

Posted at 8:03AM on Jan 13th 2007 by XziB

12. That's awesome guys; loved the scene. Also, the software charts are just as amazing as this weeks hardware charts, with Nintendo taking each of the top fifteen spots with Wii and DS games.


With all due respect,
Fox

Posted at 11:30AM on Jan 13th 2007 by Fox

13. by the time of now being, so many people own one that you may call it a "people's media".

Posted at 1:05PM on Jan 16th 2007 by fululian

14. Why is it the color of the PSP is noted but not the color of the DS? I guess I'm to assume it was a white or pink DS, huh?
Racist bastard.

Posted at 3:05PM on Jan 17th 2007 by zjoe

15. I like it. Very Funny....

Posted at 11:25AM on Jan 18th 2007 by Laura D.

Add your comments

Please keep your comments relevant to this blog entry. Email addresses are never displayed, but they are required to confirm your comments.

When you enter your name and email address, you'll be sent a link to confirm your comment, and a password. To leave another comment, just use that password.

To create a live link, simply type the URL (including http://) or email address and we will make it a live link for you. You can put up to 3 URLs in your comments. Line breaks and paragraphs are automatically converted — no need to use <p> or <br> tags.

New Users

Current Users

Bits
Screens (6)
Video (38)
Downloads (36)
Fan stuff (742)
Features (18)
GBA (41)
Hacks (42)
Homebrew (57)
How-tos (45)
Interviews (48)
News (1029)
Nintendo Wi-Fi (112)
Reviews (77)
Rumors (5)

RESOURCES

RSS NEWSFEEDS

Powered by Blogsmith

DS Fanboy bloggers (30 days)

# Blogger Posts Cmts
1 David Hinkle 77 0
2 Alisha Karabinus 63 0
3 Jason Wishnov 18 0

Most Commented On (60 days)

Recent Comments

Weblogs, Inc. Network

Consumer Add RSS
AdJab AOL | Yahoo
Autoblog AOL | Yahoo
AutoblogGreen AOL | Yahoo
Autoblog Spanish AOL | Yahoo
Autoblog Chinese AOL | Yahoo
Autoblog Simplified Chinese AOL | Yahoo
Blogging Baby AOL | Yahoo
Card Squad AOL | Yahoo
Cinematical AOL | Yahoo
Download Squad AOL | Yahoo
Divester (scuba) AOL | Yahoo
Engadget AOL | Yahoo
Engadget Mobile AOL | Yahoo
Engadget Chinese AOL | Yahoo
Engadget Simplified Chinese AOL | Yahoo
Engadget Japanese AOL | Yahoo
Engadget Spanish AOL | Yahoo
HD Beat AOL | Yahoo
Joystiq AOL | Yahoo
Luxist AOL | Yahoo
PVR Wire AOL | Yahoo
Slashfood AOL | Yahoo
Styledash AOL | Yahoo
That's Fit AOL | Yahoo
TUAW (Apple) AOL | Yahoo
TV Squad AOL | Yahoo

Technology

Add RSS
CSS Insider AOL | Yahoo
Digital Photography AOL | Yahoo
Flash Insider AOL | Yahoo
Google (Unofficial) AOL | Yahoo
JavaScript AOL | Yahoo
Microsoft (Unofficial) AOL | Yahoo
Office AOL | Yahoo
Open Source AOL | Yahoo
Peer-to-Peer AOL | Yahoo
Photoshop (Unofficial) AOL | Yahoo
RSS AOL | Yahoo
SAS (Unofficial) AOL | Yahoo
Search Engine Marketing AOL | Yahoo
Social Software AOL | Yahoo
Tablet PCs AOL | Yahoo
TUAW (Apple) AOL | Yahoo
VoIP AOL | Yahoo
Yahoo (Unofficial) AOL | Yahoo

Travel/Destinations

Add RSS
Gadling AOL | Yahoo
Blogging New Orleans AOL | Yahoo
Blogging Ohio AOL | Yahoo

Wireless

Add RSS
BBHub (BlackBerry) AOL | Yahoo
Engadget Mobile AOL | Yahoo
Engadget: GPS AOL | Yahoo
Engadget: Wireless AOL | Yahoo
The Wireless Report AOL | Yahoo

Video Games

Add RSS
Blogging E3 AOL | Yahoo
DS Fanboy AOL | Yahoo
Engadget: Gaming AOL | Yahoo
Joystiq AOL | Yahoo
Nintendo Wii Fanboy AOL | Yahoo
PS3 Fanboy AOL | Yahoo
PSP Fanboy AOL | Yahoo
Second Life Insider AOL | Yahoo
WoW Insider AOL | Yahoo
Xbox 360 Fanboy AOL | Yahoo

Media & Entertainment

Add RSS
Cinematical AOL | Yahoo
Design AOL | Yahoo
Digital Music AOL | Yahoo
Droxy (Digital Radio) AOL | Yahoo
DV Guru (Digital Video) AOL | Yahoo

Finance

Add RSS
Blogging Stocks AOL | Yahoo
Apple (AAPL) AOL | Yahoo
eBay (EBAY) AOL | Yahoo
Genl Electric (GE) AOL | Yahoo
Google (GOOG) AOL | Yahoo
Microsoft (MSFT) AOL | Yahoo
Time Warner (TWX) AOL | Yahoo
Wal Mart (WMT) AOL | Yahoo
Yahoo! (YHOO) AOL | Yahoo

Business

Add RSS
Mortgages AOL | Yahoo

Life Sciences

Add RSS
The Cancer Blog AOL | Yahoo
The Cardio Blog AOL | Yahoo
The Diabetes Blog AOL | Yahoo
Medical Informatics Insider AOL | Yahoo

Personal

Add RSS
Brian Alvey AOL | Yahoo
Jason Calacanis AOL | Yahoo
Judith Meskill AOL | Yahoo
Ted Leonsis AOL | Yahoo

Events

Add RSS
Blogging BlogHer AOL | Yahoo
Blogging DEMO AOL | Yahoo
Blogging E3 AOL | Yahoo
Blogging ETech AOL | Yahoo
Blogging Gnomedex AOL | Yahoo
Future of Music AOL | Yahoo
Blogging Milken AOL | Yahoo
Blogging Sundance AOL | Yahoo
Blogging Web 2.0 AOL | Yahoo
Live 8 Insider AOL | Yahoo

On Hiatus/Retired

Add RSS
Telemedicine Insider AOL | Yahoo
SCM Wire (supply chain) AOL | Yahoo
Bluetooth AOL | Yahoo
RFID AOL | Yahoo
Ultra Wideband AOL | Yahoo
WiFi AOL | Yahoo
The WiMAX Weblog AOL | Yahoo
Wireless Dev AOL | Yahoo
Wireless AOL | Yahoo
Documentary Film AOL | Yahoo
Enron Blog AOL | Yahoo
Independent Film AOL | Yahoo
Magazine Design AOL | Yahoo
Nanopublishing AOL | Yahoo
Spam AOL | Yahoo
Unofficial Playstation 3 AOL | Yahoo
Unofficial Xbox2 AOL | Yahoo
Video Games AOL | Yahoo

Other

Add RSS
Weblogs, Inc. AOL | Yahoo

Powered by Blogsmith

Add RSS
Paper Magazine AOL | Yahoo
Razor Magazine AOL | Yahoo

Other Weblogs Inc. Network blogs you might be interested in:

PS3 Fanboy
  • Activision anticipates record high revenues
  • RANT: Viral marketing cause of console flame wars?
  • Unreal Tournament 2007 = Unreal Tournament 3... also multiplatform
  • Japan gets a handful of new downloadable titles from the PS-Store
  • New Splinter Cell: Double Agent screens impress
Subscribe with My AOL, MyYahoo or Bloglines
WOW Insider
  • Putting an end to the myth of the legendary axe
  • Unrealistically Phat Loot Phriday: Moldavite Ring of the Tiger
  • I'm in ur Outlands, holyin' my Priest
  • Phat Loot Phriday: Staff of Beasts
  • Nerfs: Math is fun
Subscribe with My AOL, MyYahoo or Bloglines
PSP Fanboy
  • Watch the Metal Gear Solid tournament ... now
  • Phil Harrison speaks at GDC about "always on" gaming
  • Cops ignore need for help, play PSP instead
  • The top ten girls of PSP
  • Proudest PSP gaming achievement [Update 1]
Subscribe with My AOL, MyYahoo or Bloglines
Joystiq
  • Today's hottest game video: Diddy Kong Racing
  • Today in Joystiq: January 26, 2007
  • Japanese hardware sales, 15 Jan - 21 Jan: continued slump edition
  • Monster Madness: The Battle for Suburbia screens and trailer
  • Duke Nukem Forever screenshot: prepare to squint
Subscribe with My AOL, MyYahoo or Bloglines
Divester
  • Some Fish Populations Rebounding
  • Great Lakes Shipwreck Preservation Society's "Dive Into The Past" Event, February 17
  • Theo Ivanovic Breaks Dynamic Apnea Record
  • "The Art of Diving": 10 Reasons Why This Book Belongs On Your Shelf
  • Unqualified, Inexperienced Diver Dies In "Ill-Fated" Operation
Subscribe with My AOL, MyYahoo or Bloglines
Autoblog Green
  • World's biggest solar roof for Tesco U.S.A.
  • Ford's Kansas City assembly plant starts production on 2008 hybrid Escapes and Mariners
  • California more worried about carbon than gasoline demand
  • Portugal wants 45% renewable electricity output and 10% of all fuels to be biofuels
  • Horse sense from electric car designer: clip-clop sounds announce vehicle is coming
Subscribe with My AOL, MyYahoo or Bloglines
Engadget
  • Blu-ray, SLI-equipped Alienware Area-51 7500 reviewed
  • Bacterial Orchestra creates living cellular sound
  • Thieves balk at 13-inch CRT television, refuse to steal
  • Sniffer algorithm leads robots to faint, faraway scents
  • Transformers bust out of Nike Free shoes
Subscribe with My AOL, MyYahoo or Bloglines
PVR Wire
  • Miglia TVMini HD+ | Mac High Definition PVR with OTA and Cable
  • CBS and TiVo advertising Deal
  • Xbox 360 IPTV Interview - PVR functions on the way
  • TiVo Toaster Raffle for James Kim Memorial Fund
  • Car Radios with PVR functionality
Subscribe with My AOL, MyYahoo or Bloglines
Autoblog
  • GM recalls 98,000 Cobalt Coupes
  • Cavalier love gone too far?
  • Spyker expects a profit from 2006
  • Meguiar's exec claims he was fired over religion
  • VIDEO: Tesla Roadster being tested on ice
Subscribe with My AOL, MyYahoo or Bloglines
Gadling
  • GADLING'S TAKE FIVE: Week of January 21
  • Word for the Travel Wise (01/26/07)
  • On Sale Now: Canned Air from a Thai Mountain
  • 8 Ways To Save Money On The Road
  • Norovirus Strikes Again
Subscribe with My AOL, MyYahoo or Bloglines
AdJab
  • Who wants to smell the Wall Street Journal?
  • Wilford has diabetes and he's funky
  • Ads want young drivers to be safe
  • Advertising in comics an untapped market
  • Medical advertising revived with defibrillator ad
Subscribe with My AOL, MyYahoo or Bloglines
Download Squad
  • Vista Countdown: 4 Days - Your Moment of Zen
  • Dovetail, it's like YouTube: The Director's Cut
  • isotope2: Spirograph on crack - Today's Time Waster
  • Forget 1000 monkeys, could a PC write Shakespeare?
  • WordPress 2.1 the (mostly) fearless upgrade
Subscribe with My AOL, MyYahoo or Bloglines